The sky has darkened
Though it's only five thirty
A wind blows through the kitchen windows
but it's not a summer breeze
Autumn and winter bring back memories
of a departed December and January.
Of a previous new year, many birthdays
new classrooms at school, upcoming exams.
Thick jackets and fluffy scarves
warm quilts and hot chocolate at night.
I should be looking back with bright reminiscence
because friendship cheers the heart
no matter how chilly the air.
And yet, all I can remember
is sitting on cold steps, alone; listening to laughter
and happiness, all a wall away
while tears fell on my frozen skin
walking through tall grass, my damp legs
crouched under the afternoon's ominous grey sky
clutching my knees tightly to my heart
I would hold my head as high
as I could, a smile on my face
and eyes emptier than space's hard vacuum.
In other times,
With music loud in my ears -
I collapsed, trying not to lose my mind
to the loneliness threatening to crush me,
I appeared as inert as a corpse
but within me there was war.
Ripped apart with old fears
screams that were inaudible
terrified of isolation,
longing with all my heart
to really belong.
These are my memories of last winter
And whenever that cold breeze reaches my skin
I remember it all
and it chills me down
to my very soul.